First dates

I’ve been on hundreds of first dates. Sometimes I do get to second a third and beyond dates but those are a little fewer. But first dates? Countless.

I’ve been single, like really single for almost three years now. I enjoy my single life and I definitely take breaks from dating but I would like to find someone to spend my life with sooner or later. The biggest problem is I haven’t felt really butterflies in that time period either. I haven’t had the nervous jitters in meeting someone. I haven’t gotten that swoon feeling.

Maybe that’s because I know what I want and I’ve come to a point of high expectations. But I don’t want to lower my standards and I definitely don’t want to settle. If you don’t leave me craving you, waiting for your next text or call, thinking about you at night, then I don’t want you. I’ve been in love before and I’ve had those undescribable feelings. The two times I’ve been in love or what I would consider in love, I’ve known from the moment is started. I knew in the moment I met each of them that they were going to be a part of my life. And I was right. And I don’t regret them at all.

And I miss having those feelings. It was exciting. It was nice having someone to share my life with. It was fun to have an adventure buddy. I loved being in love. But lately I’ve  especially noticed the lack of those feelings. I’ve actually had more on to the next one moments than I want to admit. Sometimes I can really chalk it up to feeling lonely but others I feel like maybe I’ve becomes completely jaded and I don’t know how to snap out of that.

But maybe those moments and first dates are still teaching me lessons… or at least I can hope. On to the next date.