The death of dating apps and iron man.

I decided I needed a change and although I do not practice religion, I thought it would be great to use Lent as a time for change. I grew up going to Catholic elementary school. I was baptized and did my first communion. It’s not that my parents were religious freaks, we just lived in a really bad area and going to the public school wouldn’t have worked out. So for Lent every year we would be told to give something up, our usual was chocolate and we’d spend the next forty days chocolate-less and going to church to Confess our sins. Confession was quite literally the worst part of my childhood, I mean probably worst than my parents separation, but that can be for another post.

So last Monday although Lent didn’t start until Wednesday I started my journey. I started the attempt at eating healthier, logging and really tracking what I was putting into my body. Tracking my sleep patterns in an attempt to try and understand why I wake up so much during the night. And the big one: giving up dating apps.

I’ve been on such a dating rut that I thought it’d be good to step back, reevaluate and just have some me time. I was really quite excited for this experiment. I wrote lists of things I wanted to do and accomplish with my time. I started reflecting on day to day things. I vowed to write more often.

Then on Tuesday my car, iron man, got hit, while parked, in broad daylight by a drunk driver. It was totaled. And then came the anxiety. What was I going to do? I rely on my car as part of work. I knew it wouldn’t be worth much and I live paycheck to paycheck with no savings. I cried and I breathed and I tried really hard to get through it but it didn’t help that I was quite literally working 16 hour days all week. I would be okay one minute but cry myself to sleep every night. The irony was when I got home on Tuesday my sister had sent me a package, I knew there would be a plethora of kcups because she had gotten me a keurig for Christmas but when I opened it and then first item at the top was a carphone holder (mine had been stolen last month) I just lost it. My sister had been so thoughtful, but I didn’t even have a car anymore to put it in.

I got through the week. Things aren’t totally resolved but baby steps have been made. I will get a check for my car and I will try to buy a new used one. It was definitely a wake up call for the need to make more money.

I’m trying to look at it as a blessing in disguise. My car was old and falling apart. I’d put more money into it in the past year and a half than necessary. I have to be thankful that I wasn’t in the car and that I’m safe and that I wasn’t in a horrible accident with it. There are other blessings to look at during this time that give me the opportunity to even have money to replace it.

I’m proud of how I handled last week. I may have cried but I got through it and I did everything I needed to do and I (for the most part) continued trying to eat healthier (except the weekend) and I didn’t swipe on any app. I even took care of myself this weekend and got a pedicure.

I’m still sad though because my car was a mark of a big change in my life. I totaled my first car in a bad accident in 2010 and after that I knew I needed a major change. I bought my car a week later, and spent the next year seriously soul searching which ended in moving to Virginia a year later. My car took me too Virginia, many trips home, was trusted through college, took me to my first professional gigs. It took me to school and work but also the beach and all my favorite places. It dealt with a lot of laughs, a lot of cries, a lot of drives to clear my head. So maybe this is a sign that it was time to move on, and that new beginnings are coming. I will embrace them with open arms.

Did I mention mercury went into retrograde on Tuesday?